There is something so sexy about watching you write so raptly

Seeing your thoughts being inscribed at full tilt, you pregnant with emotion

It’s so tempting

There is something so alluring about your calloused right hand where the pen rubs it wrong and the ink leaves stains from writing such d  r  a  w  n  -  o  u  t thoughts

It’s almost enchanting when you hold the remnants of my torn Times in your hands, an unlit cigarette in your mouth

Time and (time) again

Like you’re so occupied by the day’s affairs, you can not even spare a lone second

To simply strike a match

I watch you when you study the sports section

Vexed over last night’s loss

With those trivial forehead wrinkles and clenched fists

Mind resonating with anger

And when you hover over the edge of that beaten futon watching the game like you do

Whispering obscenities under kept breath

That is when I want you the most

There is something about you that makes me feel so restored

Something

I’m not quite sure

Something so sexy

beautiful, at home with her history

oh oh oh but ain’t he sweet?

layin her down like he does

hidin behind six strings of steel

singin to her

singin to her

and it’s true, the drugs don’t work anymore

so it’s been a while since she’s touched ‘em

doesn’t mean she don’t miss them

when she’s at home, alone with her history

oh oh oh everyone sings in a different key

but it works, it’s all harmony

and they sing about the history

they sing stories bout the war

and this girl, she don’t hurt anymore

Often times, I’m afraid to turn the page

Sometimes when I wake 

I wish I hadn’t woken 

Sometimes when I speak

I wish I hadn’t spoken

I just wanted to tell you

That I hate you

My feet stand, planted solid on the ground

Weight weighing me down

As I breathe in, exhale

The air around me becomes my being

I pass by store windows, trying to see in

Faces buried in books

Back allies filled with cooks

Smoking long cigarettes on their breaks

From 20 hour days

Standing up, a constant haze

I see a girl with long brown hair

Freckles on her face, ribbon around her waist

I never never ever imagined it this way

That was a lie, I read it in my cards

I should have just stayed honest or stayed away

But here I am, out again

Alone in the world

It’s never been about age, morals, or religion. It’s only about what we are afraid to admit. 

Appearance is deceiving. Numbers lie.

Life is but a game, and I, another worthy player.

Rest your eyes, things aren’t as bad as they seem

Breathe

The air of commonality

Of sameness

I swear this isn’t communism 

No, this is a united country of independent states

Our founding fathers, whiter than snow

Our president’s hands, blackened by oil, stained by 

Money

Abuse

Political Incorrectness 

‘This is the time for change!’

This is the era of chronic uniformity

We’re not united cos we want to be,

We’re united cos they make us that way

We remain closed off from the real world

We are supposed to be the super power

The Dollar just fell to the Yen and hell just froze over

Era of discontent

———————————————————-

My president is black.

My dreams are in color.

I envision a country united by change.

Change in the true sense of the word.

History books await the stories of the great years to come.

Years made brighter by two men, by one president, by a true belief that there is hope for us.

My glass is neither half full nor half empty.

It is overflowing.

one night i dreamt i were a tree

a tall tall tree, taller than all the others

i wanted to speak, wanted to scream

i wanted to be set free from my roots

but nothing came out when i tried to speak

and when i tried to scream, i realized

i hadn’t even a mouth to open in the first place

i cried tears of sap for hours

i morphed into myself again

sitting in your car like i was that night

watching you stand outside, smoking that long cigarette

i wanted to say it

wanted to say something

but again nothing came out

no matter how wide this mouth of mine opened

nothing came out

i hoped it would subside overnight

but i woke up the next morning without a voice

i gave it a few months

when nothing happened i realized, 

silence killed us

and we were too quiet to even notice

Stars in my eyes as I pull myself off the bathroom floor

Each time this happens, I promise myself, “No more.”

I swear I know better, but I’m no better than before

Like an addict I am drawn back to the high it provides

Head pounding, world spinning, weight off my thighs

This is just another excuse, just another disguise 

I begin to wash my hands, my face

But nothing gets rid of the taste

And as I look in the mirror, grip my waist

I swear to myself I want to recover

But this eating disorder does nothing but hover

I wonder if my health I’ll ever rediscover 

Once it’s all over, I hate myself even more

The fat I tried flushing away feels more prominent than before

And those calories I ingested, I’m still responsible for

There is no right answer to this disease 

And it never ceases to bring me to my knees

I want a way out, please give me the keys